


Firsts

by rurambles



Series: Ease [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Established Relationship, First Dates, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:28:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28273122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rurambles/pseuds/rurambles
Summary: Kei and Shoyou experience many firsts throughout their relationship.Companion piece to Not That Easy but can be read on its own.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Tsukishima Kei
Series: Ease [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2058075
Comments: 12
Kudos: 138





	Firsts

The first time Kei kissed Shoyou he was sixteen and stupid. Shoyou would say that he was sixteen and confused, but deep down Kei knew that it was nothing but pure idiocy. 

When he kissed him, he felt like his whole world was falling apart. The carefully crafted facade he built for himself slowly filled with cracks and shattered. And despite the panic that had filled his mind and threatened to overtake him, he couldn’t help but think that Shoyou’s lips felt nice against his, and he kissed him again. 

Just like he couldn’t outrun his attraction, he couldn’t outrun his panic. Even as Shoyou kissed him back terror filled his veins. In an attempt to not completely freak out he tried to convince himself that what was happening wasn’t real, that it was all an elaborate dream and soon he would wake up confused and unhappy. 

But Kei ran his fingers through Shoyou’s hair and knew it wasn’t a dream. A dream wouldn’t give him a texture like that, it was too real. It felt too nice against his hands.

The first time they kissed also coincided with a few other, less romantic, firsts. It was the first time he denied Shoyou and himself, the first time he said he wasn’t gay. Even then it was hard to believe, with how eagerly they continued to kiss and how Kei didn’t make a move to stop it from happening, Kei still held on to that belief like a prayer. Maybe, he thought, if he believed it hard enough, it would be true. 

It was the first time Shoyou asked him out, and looking back he wished that he was together enough to say yes. There were so many years between their first kiss and the official start of their relationship, there were so many things they could have done. But at sixteen he would have been a horrible boyfriend; he wasn’t a great one at twenty-two either when they started dating but Shoyou still stuck with him. 

Kei remembered their first kiss. It wasn’t something that he looked back on fondly. It was a time of upheaval and denial. 

Instead of taking the plunge into unknown and terrifying waters, it was the first time Kei ran away.

* * *

The first time they hugged, according to Kei, was in his apartment after he asked Shoyou out. Shoyou didn’t agree with him, he said that they had hugged plenty of times before, that they hugged every week back in high school. 

Then they got into an argument over the semantics of the word hug. 

Shoyou believed that when they kissed back in Kei’s childhood bedroom that sometimes they wrapped their arms around each other, at least a bit, and that counted as a hug. It was true that Kei knew what Shoyou felt like in his arms before they were officially dating, but he stood firm that holding and hugging were different. 

Part of it was that he didn’t want Shoyou to be right. The memory of their first hug was something important to him. In high school he was playing with both of their feelings, he strung Shoyou along and cut him off when it became too much. He didn’t want that part of their relationship to hold any real significance. 

The night after Kei kissed him publicly for the first time, the two of them ended up in Kei’s apartment and they kissed until their mouths hurt. When they needed a break Kei looked up at him and traced his lower lip with his thumb and felt him breathe. But that day was exhausting and eventually they had to turn in for the night. 

Before Kei could even say anything Shoyou said he was going to sleep on the couch. Kei stared at him and Shoyou met his gaze headon with a challenging look. He was constantly amazed at how much Shoyou was willing to meet him where he was and not push beyond what he was ready for. He didn’t realize that he wasn’t ready to have Shoyou in his bed until they were yawning, but he already knew. 

Kei pulled him into his arms and hugged him tightly. He couldn’t help but think that he had been so dumb a few years ago to constantly turn him down, and now there was no way he was going to let go. 

(Shoyou liked that story, of course, but he still maintained that their first hug was the first time Kei pulled him into his lap and held him there. They agreed to disagree.)

* * *

The first time they held hands was the morning after what Kei thought of their first hug. They had agreed on not going out and after a quick breakfast prepared by Shoyou they settled down on the couch together to watch something on television. 

When Kei sat down he left an arm’s width of space between them but Shoyou quickly closed that distance, going as far to lift Kei’s arm and drape it over his shoulder so he could snuggle into his boyfriend’s chest. During the show Shoyou reached up and mindlessly played with Kei’s dangling fingers. He lightly traced patterns from Kei’s knuckles to fingertips and up and down his fingers from thumb to pinky and back again. 

The action was so distracting that Kei missed the entire show. 

Kei always used his hands to distract himself. He knew that when he was spiraling that feeling a rough texture against his palms or the pinpricks of his nails helped keep him centered and focused. When things were too much he could draw his concentration back down to his hands and limit the scope of things. 

But in that moment things weren’t too much, they were peaceful. To have all of his attention brought to his hands, and by Shoyou no less, was overwhelmingly distracting. 

When the show was over Shoyou looked up at him and smiled, “that was really good!” 

“I,” Kei started but then paused to clear his throat, “I have no idea what we just watched.” 

Shoyou tilted his head, “It wasn’t confusing, was it?”

“No, I,” he furrowed his brow and removed his arm from Shoyou’s shoulders, “I’m confused.” He took one of Shoyou’s hands in his and held it over his rapidly beating heart. It felt like no amount of layers would be able to keep them from feeling how hard his hard was jumping out of his chest. 

Shoyou pressed his hand harder against Kei’s chest and shifted positions so he could rest his head in his free hand, his arm propped up by the back of the couch. He kept his eyes on their joined hands.

Kei licked his lips, “What am I feeling?” He clutched Shoyou’s hand harder. 

His eyes flickered up from their hands to his boyfriend’s pleading face, “Do you think that I always know what you’re feeling?”

He frowned, “I think you know better than I do.” 

Shoyou smiled, “Aww, am I better than you?” He gently took Kei’s other hand and brought it to his chest. His heart wasn’t beating as hard as Kei’s but it was still noticeable, “I think you’re not used to letting yourself like me.”

Kei looked at the hands on his chest, and then the hands on Shoyou’s, “I don’t think I’ve ever held your hands before. Have they always been this small?”

“Hey!” he pulled away completely, “I grew!” 

* * *

The first time they shared a bed together was the third time Shoyou visited his apartment, and they didn’t even make it the entire night. When night fell Shoyou started to rummage around for a pillow and a blanket to make up the couch but Kei grabbed for the hem of his shirt and stopped him.

“No,” he mumbled, unable to look at his boyfriend, “with me.” 

Shoyou smiled warmly at him but he didn’t see it. He did feel Shoyou pry his fingers loose and link their hands together to lead them towards his bedroom. 

Shoyou had been in his bed before. They had laid there together and talked or kissed or listened to music through Kei’s ancient stereo, but they never slept side-by-side. There was an intimacy to sleeping next to each other that Kei hadn’t been ready for, but watching his boyfriend get ready to sleep somewhere else in his apartment made him feel silly. So he took a step and invited him in. 

Kei watched extra closely as Shoyou got ready for bed. He watched as he stripped down to his boxers and he watched as he rummaged through Kei’s dresser drawers for a shirt to wear to bed. He watched how he brushed his teeth and washed his face. Shoyou noticed him, of course, he always noticed how closely Kei kept an eye on him. 

To save space Kei’s bed was pushed into the corner of the room. He usually slept closer to the edge, so Shoyou crawled in closer to the wall and they got under the blanket together. Kei didn’t realize how much extra heat having an extra person with him would generate and he worried that he was going to sweat on his boyfriend and ruin the whole experience. Shoyou didn’t seem to worry and scooted closer. 

“If you need me to leave,” he whispered as he removed Kei’s glasses from his face, “just tell me. Your couch is pretty comfortable so I don’t mind.”

Kei leaned forward and kissed him, he tasted like toothpaste, “stay with me.”

In the middle of the night Kei woke up because he felt odd. His sleep addled brain was slow to put the pieces together. There was a sharp pain at his hip where Shoyou was gripping him tightly and something hard poking at his behind and--

“Fuck,” he whispered, suddenly wide awake and aware that his still asleep boyfriend was grinding against him. He wondered if he was having a good dream, he wondered if he was dreaming about fucking him.

He had never gotten so hard so quickly in his life. 

It was dizzying. 

It had to stop.

“Shoyou,” he panted out. But at the sound of his voice he didn’t wake, just pressed against him harder, eliciting a moan. He grabbed at Shoyou’s wrist where it was clenched against his hip, “Shoyou,” he tried again more forcefully.

The touch jolted him awake. “Kei?” he noticed their position, “Oh, shit. I’m so sorry.” 

Kei licked his lips, “Can you leave, please?”

Shoyou nodded over and over but in the dark and without his glasses it was hard for him to see, so he rolled towards him to get a better look just as Shoyou tried to climb over him to get out of the bed. And Kei couldn’t remember the exact turn of events but he could remember pulling Shoyou on top of him and kissing him, and he could remember thinking idly that he didn’t taste like toothpaste anymore. 

Shoyou moaned into his mouth, “You can either kick me out of your bed or kiss me right now, not both.”

Kei’s hands wandered down his back and stopped at the waistband of his underwear, he looked up at Shoyou and licked his lips again like he was considering his options, “No,” he shook his head, “you should go.”

They both pretended that they weren’t disappointed. 

* * *

The first time they successfully shared a bed throughout the night was also the first time Shoyou asked him about spooning. 

“Do you like to spoon?” he asked, flopping onto the spot of the bed closer to the wall.

Kei paused across the room where he was taking off his shirt, “What?” 

“Spoon,” he repeated. 

He shook his head, “No, I heard you the first time.”

Shoyou shot into a sitting position, “Tsukishima Kei, don’t tell me you don’t know what spooning is. You’re over twenty years old!” 

Kei turned his back to Shoyou and finished changing, “Hinata Shoyou,” he mimicked, “why do you continue to assume I know anything about relationships?” 

“Because,” he threw his hands in the air and flailed a bit, “you read?”

“So, tell me about utensils.”

Shoyou lowered his eyes, “You’re fucking with me, aren’t you?” 

Kei couldn’t keep up the charade any longer and his lips quirked upwards just a tiny bit, “Yes, Shoyou. I’m not so repressed that I don’t know what spooning is. I’ve just never done it.” 

“Bed, now.” Shoyou made grabby hands at him, “I’m going to spoon you so hard.” 

He snorted softly but climbed into bed again beside his boyfriend and laid on his side so Shoyou could curl up behind him. Because of their height difference Shoyou had to scoot down the bed before he could lock their legs together. When he rested his head on Kei’s back, Kei laughed. 

“Don’t you feel stupid? I know I do. You’re too small for this.”

“Yeah, well, not all of us are giants,” he pinched Kei’s side, “we can switch.”

They rolled over and Kei pulled Shoyou up so he could tuck him under his chin. Neither of them said anything out loud but it was a much more comfortable position, and in the end, they slept peacefully through the night.

* * *

The first time they fought as a couple was because Kei closed himself off too much. Kei had been rather used to living a solitary life with the occasional person barging in on him, but they always left him alone eventually and he got his space back. Sure, Akiteru walked in as he pleased but he didn’t actually take up that much space. 

Shoyou wanted to take up space, and Kei wasn’t sure how to handle that. 

At first, he simply didn’t handle it. When Shoyou was out travelling with his team or training and Kei was at work, they didn’t communicate. Then Shoyou would appear in his apartment or show up at his door and Kei would hover or wrap around him in order to soak in as much as he could. But as soon as he left he was unresponsive again. 

Shoyou tried. He tried so hard. He texted Kei in the morning to say good morning, he’d try again around lunch to talk about his day, he’d call when he knew Kei was out of work to talk. And Kei barely answered him. 

So one Wednesday, after too long of being ignored, he took the three hour train ride to Sendai just so he could yell at his boyfriend in person-- because he obviously wasn’t going to answer the phone and he couldn’t wait until Saturday night to do it. He arrived at Kei’s apartment while he was still at practice so he stood outside of his door and waited.

When Kei got home and found Shoyou stiffly standing outside waiting for him, he was confused. He took his phone out of his pocket to check what day it was, it wouldn’t be the first time he had lost track of days. But no, Shoyou wasn’t due in. 

“Hi?” he asked as he fished his key out of his bag.

Shoyou shoved his hands into his pockets, “Let me in.”

Kei paused with the key halfway through the lock, “I am.”

When he opened the door Shoyou brushed past him and went straight towards the kitchen to begin pulling out food and spices and pans. Kei followed slowly behind him and watched as his boyfriend rather violently cut up some vegetables.

He leaned against a nearby wall so he could watch what Shoyou was doing, “What are you doing here?” 

The knife paused, “I wanted to talk to you.”

“Okay,” Kei nodded once at him to try and get him to start. 

He made one more cut before putting the knife down completely, “are you happy to see me?” he asked, not looking up from the counter.

Kei glanced around the room quickly, it felt like a trick question and he didn’t understand where it was coming from, “Of course I am. I just don’t understand why you’re here.” 

Shoyou clenched his fists and turned to face his oblivious boyfriend, “Then how about you act like it!” 

“What?” If he wasn’t leaning against the wall he would have taken a step back.

“Do you miss me when I’m gone?” he demanded.

Kei’s cheeks tinged pink and he looked towards the ceiling, “Yeah.” 

“Then act like it!” he yelled. 

Kei had finally had enough of this confusing conversation and took a step forward to tower over Shoyou, “Just tell me what this is about and stop yelling at me. If you’re trying to get something from me, yelling isn’t going to help,” he said calmly. 

Shoyou looked up at him defiantly, “When I am not here, you are going to talk to me more.”

“Why?”

“You’re not that dumb, Kei!” Shoyou shoved him so he could pace around the small kitchen, “If you don’t want to go out with me, then you know what, that’s fine. We can break up, But you can’t only act like you like me when I’m here!”

Kei grabbed his wrist and looked at him with panicked eyes, “I like you when you’re not here too. I know it seems like I don’t have object permanence--”

“--I don’t know what that means--”

“--but I promise I like you when you’re not here.”

Shoyou deflated at his honest words, “You have to try harder, Kei.”

* * *

The first time they went on a date, they didn’t actually go anywhere. Before Shoyou came over Kei went out and bought groceries so he could make his boyfriend dinner and they could have a private date in the safety of his apartment. 

Only it didn’t exactly go to plan. 

At the grocery store Kei ran into one of his old professors who struck up a conversation and they spent a half hour in the vegetable section talking about the work Kei was doing at the museum before he realized just how much time had gotten away from him. It was an extremely fascinating conversation though and he was a bit remiss to cut it short, so when they ran into each other again at the checkout they spoke for another twenty minutes before Kei had to excuse himself again. 

By the time he got home Shoyou was already there and cooking.

“No,” he snapped, “Stop.” 

Shoyou turned to him, confused, “Huh? I always make dinner when I’m here. What’s wrong?”

He held up the bags of groceries in his arms, “I was going to cook,” he mumbled, suddenly embarrassed by the turn of events.

Shoyou let out a bright laugh, “You should have told me earlier! I can stop,” he turned off the stovetop which was just heating a pan of oil, “What’s the occasion?” 

Kei licked his lips, “I, uh, date?” he asked before shaking his head lightly, “Stay in and have a date.” It was still a fragment of a sentence but it was better than what he stuttered out before. The warm smile that spread across Shoyou’s face also helped. 

“Do you want any help cooking?”

He shook his head, “I can do it.” 

An hour later they sat together at Kei’s small kitchen table and took a bite. Shoyou grinned. “This is terrible!” 

* * *

The first time they had sex was actually on their second attempt. 

On their first attempt they got to the point where they realized that sex was on the table before Shoyou stopped them and asked, “Kei, do you have lube?” 

Kei looked at him confused, “No? Why would I?” 

He didn’t appreciate the fact that Shoyou burst out laughing at him. “Hey, Kei,” he leaned in close so his hot breath puffed against his ear, “do you want to have sex with me?”

Kei’s face immediately turned red and it wasn’t because of the slowly rising temperature of the room, “Yes,” he breathed out. Shoyou laughed at him again and Kei pushed him off of him, “What’s so funny?”

He tried to contain his laughter but kept giggling, “We’ll need lube to have sex.” 

“Oh,” he covered his face with his arms, “I knew that.” 

Shoyou climbed on top of him again and rocked their hips together lightly, “You don’t use any to masturbate?” Kei parted his arms to glare up at him and Shoyou shrugged in response, “I do, I just didn’t know I’d have to bring any here.”

“I don’t really masturbate,” he said, voice muffled from his arms. 

Shoyou hummed, “do you get turned on when I’m not here?” 

“I guess,” he mumbled, “I just don’t do anything about it.”

“That’s why you’re so frustrated all the time,” Shoyou laughed, “you need to orgasm more.”

Kei groaned into his arms and his hips jolted without his consent, “shut up,” he grit out, “I just don’t think it’s all that important. That’s why I like getting you off more than me.”

Shoyou ground down harder on him and licked his lips, “You know that we’re both allowed to, right?”

He grabbed his hips, “Shut up, shut up right now.” 

He laughed again, “One day I’ll get you to tell me what you like. But for now, we can’t have full blown sex, but we can do other things.”

Next time Shoyou came to visit (and they both separately both lube and condoms) they were physically ready to have sex. Mentally, a little less so. They had made it back to Kei’s bedroom but when the entirety of what they were going to do hit him, he stopped. And Shoyou, ever perceptive, stopped too. 

Shoyou sat cross-legged on his bed and directed him to sit across from him. He felt awkward and exposed, the two of them just down to their boxers. But Shoyou grabbed Kei’s hands and put them on his knees, “Touch me,” he directed, “Take your time, and get used to touching me.” 

Kei rubbed his palms against Shoyou’s knees. The skin there was rough and he repeated the motion, liking how it felt against his hands. He ran one hand down his shin and stroked his leg hair; Shoyou wasn’t particularly hairy, he only had a layer across his legs, but Kei had never taken the time to touch it. 

Kei untangled Shoyou’s legs from his cross-legged position and explored down his calf. He knew that with all of the running and jumping that he did that his legs were well toned, but looking at them this closely was something else entirely. For his part, Shoyou sat back and quietly watched as Kei ran both of his hands down one of his legs. 

He wrapped one hand around Shoyou’s ankle and marvelled at how small he was, and how much power he contained despite his size. He started to run his fingers down to his foot but Shoyou jerked away and quickly apologized for being ticklish. 

Not wanting to cause him discomfort he let go of Shoyou’s foot and started at his other knee, repeating the same process of running his hands down his shin and calf and ankle until Shoyou was sitting with both his legs straight out before him.

His hands twitched as he placed them back on Shoyou’s knees and pushed them apart so he could sit between his legs and begin travelling upwards. Kei didn’t touch Shoyou’s thighs one at a time, he started at his knees and let both his hands wander at the same time. He heard Shoyou swallow but he couldn’t look to see his expression. 

Shoyou’s thighs were soft and firm at the same time and Kei found it fascinating. He gave them a squeeze and blushed hard when Shoyou gasped. Eventually his fingers hit the bottom of Shoyou’s boxers but he didn’t hesitate to push them up and keep touching. The skin there was lighter in color and Kei could see the tan lines from the shorts he preferred to wear.

It was all very tempting. 

“You okay?” Shoyou murmured.

Kei’s eyes flickered between his hands and Shoyou’s eyes, “how are we doing this?” he asked eventually.

Shoyou smiled shyly at him, “I thought that it might be easier for you to do me,” he felt Kei’s fingers dig into his thighs, “Yeah? It’s less touching you and I can open myself up.”

Kei couldn’t help the small moan that escaped his lips. He also couldn’t help but watch in amazement as Shoyou got on all fours and brazenly opened himself up in front of him. He watched as one finger after another disappeared inside and tried to memorize every little sound that Shoyou made. 

“How do you know how to do this?” Kei couldn’t help but ask breathlessly as he tried to hold himself back from reaching out and touching. 

Shoyou let out a small laugh, “I watched porn and I masturbate.”

“Like this?” he asked incredulously, “This seems messy and inconvenient.”

“Do you like it?” Shoyou spread his legs a bit wider.

“Yeah,” he breathed out. Unable to stop himself he reached out and touched where Shoyou’s fingers were peeking out. “Yeah,” he said again. And as he shifted uncomfortably hard on the bed he idly thought that if he needed any more proof that he was gay, this was definitely all he needed. 

Shoyou moaned loudly at the touch and all at once removed his fingers, “I’m going to put a condom on you. Lay down. Then I’m going to lower myself onto you, okay?” 

“Yeah,” he wasn’t even bothered by his new lack of vocabulary. 

Shoyou asked permission again before removing Kei’s boxers, and again before touching him to put the condom on, and again before lining himself up. In retrospect Kei was happy that he kept checking in that he was okay, but in the moment he was a tad annoyed because he was agreeing and didn’t want to be given chance after chance to back out. 

Being inside of him was something else entirely. It was indescribable. It was almost too much. He covered his face with his arms and when Shoyou chuckled he felt it in places that people don’t usually feel someone laugh and he had to hiss “shut up” or else everything was going to be over. 

He wasn’t sure how long they sat there trying to get used to each other, but eventually he felt Shoyou’s thighs quiver and him taking deep breaths. “Are you okay?” he asked, peeking through his arms. 

He chuckled again but it wasn’t an amused sound, “Are you teasing me right now, Kei?” 

“No?” he lowered his arms and placed his hands on Shoyou’s hips. Unobstructed he looked beautiful. Kei couldn’t look at the place where their bodies were joined but he knew it was there and he was amazed that he could have this. 

“Move,” he whined, shifting his hips minutely, “or tell me it’s okay if I do.”

“Oh,” he said dumbly, “Um, you can?” 

Kei rarely masturbated but the image of Shoyou jerking himself off while he slowly fucked himself against Kei was an image that threatened to ruin his equilibrium. His fingers twitched against Shoyou’s hips and he found himself reaching out and replacing Shoyou's hand with his own-- he had touched him before but he had never felt so hard. 

Shoyou alternated between thrusting into his hand and grinding down on him and Kei felt like he was on the edge the entire time but he didn’t come until Shoyou leaned down and messily kissed him. 

Better than his own, admittingly really great, orgasm was watching Shoyou come across his chest. As he had come accustomed to, he swiped two fingers across Shoyou’s chest to catch some of his semen and wiped it on his face.

This time he didn’t mind when Shoyou laughed at him. 

A half hour later, after a bit of gross cuddling and Kei cleaned himself up, he walked by the open bathroom door where Shoyou was still cleaning himself up. He stopped and stared at him and was once again struck by how beautiful he looked, even under the unflattering bathroom light. 

And then he turned and ran.

* * *

The first time Kei went to therapy he almost walked out after signing in, but he remembered the pleading look that Shoyou gave him and the begrudging promise he made that he would at least try and he sat back down in the waiting room. 

The office was sparsely decorated but it didn’t feel clinical. It also didn’t have one of those stereotypical chaise lounges that he thought of when he considered a therapist’s couch but a normal couch that would fit in any living room. He awkwardly took a seat when instructed. 

“Tsukishima Kei, I presume,” she said after he sat down, “you may call me Maya.”

He nodded at her and glanced around the room. 

“What brings you here today?” she asked kindly. He opened and closed his mouth but didn’t say anything. “You don’t have to speak yet if you’d prefer. You can take a nap on the couch, it’s quite comfortable.”

He frowned at her, “Aren’t you supposed to get me to talk?”

“I just did,” she looked around her office as well, like she was trying to figure out what would catch his interest, “but the nap offer still stands.”

Kei couldn’t tell if she was joking, “My brother asked me to come here,” he said finally, “he’d been asking for a while.”

She hummed lightly, “And why’d you listen to him now?” He made a face involuntarily, “Okay. How about you tell me about your brother?” 

He rubbed his palms against his thighs but then stopped, worried that she noticed one of his nervous ticks and would judge him for it, “Akiteru, my brother… means well,” he started, “but he’s a bit invasive. He probably has the right because he raised me but he still sticks his nose where it doesn’t belong.”

He noticed that she slightly quirked an eyebrow when he mentioned that his brother raised him, but she didn’t ask about it, she just let him keep talking. 

Without going into his parental situation he mentioned that Akiteru had more or less been raising him since he was five, but he was an annoying and clingy brother who didn’t have any sense of boundaries, and that they were completely different. 

Before he knew it time was up and he agreed to another appointment. He didn’t plan on going to it but Shoyou was so proud that he went to the first one and he didn’t feel like he actually spoke to her about anything important so maybe he could try going one more time. 

The second time he opened up with Akiteru but used it as a segue to talk about their mother, and when he was little he thought that she cared about them but then she slowly disappeared. He told her about his mother selling the house and hesitantly agreeing to give them some of the profit and how that made him wonder if she still cared about them a little bit. 

He was surprised by the tightness in his chest as he talked and the bitterness in his voice. If someone had asked him earlier in the day what he felt about his mother, he would have answered “nothing” but now he felt like his heart hurt. 

Therapy was kind of awful. 

But he went back and continued the story with how his father had abandoned him before he was even born and then walked in and out of his life as he pleased, but he was never satisfied with who Kei had become. He told her that he disapproved of how he physically held himself, and the sport he played, and he almost told her about Shoyou, but didn’t. 

Next time wasn’t as terrible. She had started the session by telling him that she saw him playing volleyball on television and that it all looked very interesting even if she didn’t know the rules. So he told her about volleyball. He told her that he started because of his brother, almost stopped because of him too, but he found the moment where volleyball all clicked in place for him and now it was just part of his life. 

Eventually he sat down in her office, looked straight ahead, and declared, “I’m gay.” 

She looked surprised for half a second but then nodded once, “Okay.”

He deflated. They sat in silence for a few minutes before the floodgates opened and he began to tell her about Shoyou. He told her about how terrible he was to him in high school but how they kept going back to each other. He told her about the terrible going away party and how he cornered Shoyou and practically begged him to let him blow him, because it was easier than saying I like you and I’m gay and I’m sorry and I’m going to miss you when you’re gone. He told her that he left but they kept in contact and how those emails always made his day better.

He sidetracked to the other two guys he attempted to go out with and how they both had the problem of not being Shoyou.

He talked about Shoyou for weeks, until he caught her up with everything, including their very public kiss which was definitely available online, to how he panicked and ran after they had sex for the first time. 

And it felt good to get it all off of his chest. Terrible, too, but also cathartic in a way he didn’t think possible. 

One day, after months of therapy, he texted both Akiteru and Shoyou thank you.

* * *

The first time they had a discussion about their sexual interests Kei felt like he was at an unfair advantage considering Shoyou had his hands pinned above his head. 

His breath was hot against Kei’s ear when he asked, “What do you like?” 

Kei didn’t really understand the question, but he could guess where it was going, “You,” he answered, a bit unsure of himself.

“Not what I mean,” he chuckled as he let go of one of Kei’s hands to trail his fingers lightly down to Kei’s waistband, “What excites you?” 

“You,” he answered again, steadier this time. 

Shoyou smiled at him and fiddled with the button of his pants, “True,” he admitted, “But do you know what else you like?” 

Kei shook his head, he really didn’t know and he was really looking forward to Shoyou telling him. 

“You like marking me in my own come because it makes me yours,” he said, low and dirty, sending a thrill down Kei’s spine, “do you want to mark me with yours?” He popped the button open, “Or do you want to do something that will last longer?” 

He squirmed underneath Shoyou, there was no denying how much his words had an effect on him, “Longer?” he gasped out. 

Shoyou nodded and unzipped his pants, “If you bite me or give me a hickey the mark will last longer.”

Kei frowned at him, “Won’t that hurt?” 

“Maybe a little, but it can also feel good. Do you want to try?” 

He bit his lip and tried to imagine Shoyou’s skin marred with a mark that would last for days, that would signify that he belonged to someone, that Kei would make with his own mouth. He couldn’t hide how his hips jerked at the thought.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Shoyou grinned.

“How do you know so much about me?” Kei practically pouted.

“I pay attention.” 

The first time they talked about what Shoyou was into was many months later, and it only came up because Kei managed to do it without knowing. 

It was another time where their schedules just didn’t align and they had to go a few weeks without seeing each other. They had been doing a good job in making time for each other but sometimes things simply didn’t work out. 

Kei was surprised at how much he missed Shoyou. He was also surprised at how his body immediately reacted when he received a text from Shoyou in the middle of the day containing a selfie where he was wearing one of his Sendai Frogs jerseys simply captioned “miss you”. 

He was even more surprised to go home later that day to find Shoyou in his kitchen in nothing but his boxers and that jersey. 

Usually Kei had a good amount of self control. That was not one of those times. In an instant he was on his boyfriend. He bent Shoyou over the counter, sunk his teeth into the back of his neck, and jerked him off so vigorously that even in his lust-addled mind he spared a second to worry about if he was hurting him. But Shoyou moaned loudly and grinded back against him, further encouraging Kei to shamelessly thrust towards him, and it didn’t take long for both of them to finish.

As soon as it was over Kei immediately started repeatedly apologizing for jumping him like that. Shoyou always took great care in making sure that Kei was okay with being touched and then he just went and assaulted him in his kitchen. Shoyou was a bit too dazed to answer. 

Eventually he blinked away the fog and managed to get out a single “wow”.

But that set out another round of apologizing, “I’m sorry, Shou,” he said as he washed his hands, “I was already worked up and didn’t expect you here. I shouldn’t have done that. Does that hurt?” 

Shoyou touched the angry red imprint of Kei’s teeth on neck, “Wow,” he said again, “If you’re going to do that to me we need to cuddle after.”

He took Kei’s hand and led them towards Kei’s bedroom. When he was comfortably in Kei’s arm he let out a contented sigh, “I think I owe you an explanation,” he started, burying his face into Kei’s neck, “I really liked that. I really like that. You, um, wanting me so much that you have to have me.”

Kei rubbed his temple, “What?” 

Shoyou groaned, “I don’t know how to explain this. So, in Rio, I had a bunch of casual sex.”

“I don’t need to hear about that,” he grumbled as he tightened his hold around his boyfriend.

“It’s important,” he pleaded gently, “I was lonely and I really liked feeling wanted, but in the end I always felt bad because they didn’t actually want me. But you’re different.”

He ran his fingers through Shoyou’s hair and sighed, “How so?”

“You want me. So much.” He propped himself up on an elbow so he could look at Kei, “But you hold back. And when you can’t anymore it’s like you need me so much it stops being about me.”

“That makes no sense,” he had to look away from the intensity in Shoyou’s eyes, “You want to be wanted so much that you don’t matter?” 

Shoyou made a face, “You like to know that I’m yours, I like to know that you need me.”

“‘Weirdo.” 

* * *

The first time Tadashi saw them together as a couple he was surprised at how comfortable they were together. Or, to be more exact, he was surprised at how comfortable Kei seemed with himself. 

When he came by he didn’t know that Shoyou would be there; Kei didn’t either, it was a surprise visit, but Shoyou was always happy to see an old friend. So when he walked in Kei’s apartment, the door kept unlocked just for him, and saw them cuddled up on the couch with Kei leaning heavily on his smaller boyfriend, he couldn’t contain the “huh” that passed his lips.

Shoyou looked up at him and waved happily, Kei only scooted over on the couch to make room for him and readjusted to Shoyou’s new position. 

“You two look comfortable,” he said as he sat down beside his best friend. 

Kei glared at him but Shoyou smiled over his shoulder, “Kei is handsy,” he said in a semi-apologetic term. 

“I am not,” he grumbled, ignoring the fact that he had both of his arms wrapped around him, their ankles crossed, and he had his face in Shoyou’s hair. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Shoyou consoled, “this is a normal amount of handsy-ness.”

“Thank you.”

Tadashi snorted beside them, “Who knew you were so cuddly.”

Shoyou nodded, “He just likes to touch me, you should see when--”

Kei covered his mouth with his hand, “--Do not finish that thought.” 

He squirmed out of Kei’s hold, “I was just going to say when you don’t see me for a while,” but then he pointedly made eye contact with Tadashi and winked. 

“I get it,” Tadashi held up his hands, “you two have sex now, congratulations.” 

Kei groaned and untangled himself from his boyfriend so he could get up from the couch, “I need better friends.”

* * *

The first time Akiteru walked in on them having sex… actually wasn’t the first time at all, it was the first time Kei and Shoyou caught Akiteru walking in on them.

It was their fault really, for not confining their activities to the bedroom, or at least that’s what Kei would try to tell himself. He really shouldn’t have pushed Shoyou into the couch and taken him there, but then again, his brother really needed to learn some manners. 

They heard a quiet “Whoops” coming from behind and turned just in time to see Akiteru quickly covering his face and turning around. “I didn’t see anything.”

“Aki!” Kei yelled, his face burning with embarrassment.

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” his brother tried to placate him, “It’s not like this is the first time.”

“What?” he said, deathly calm, as he tried to turn and look at his brother. But Shoyou squeaked underneath him and it was then he remembered that he was still inside him. He froze, he couldn’t stay in because Shoyou would think he’s being teased and get squirmy, but he couldn’t pull out because his brother still hadn’t left the room. He swallowed, “Aki, you need to leave.” 

Akiteru practically fell over himself trying to leave the room, “Right, right, obviously. I’ll be back though, I do want to talk to you.” 

True to his word Akiteru did come back later that night, and he even managed to knock before letting himself in. But whatever he had to talk about had to wait.

“What do you mean it’s not the first time you’ve walked in on us?” 

Aki brought a finger to his lip like he was thinking hard about it, “Well I’ve never walked in on full blown sex before but I have seen Shoyou, ah, going down on you in the kitchen and the reverse on the couch. But you two didn’t notice me then so I left.” 

Kei’s face burned with a combination of anger and embarrassment, Shoyou simply rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. 

“And you didn’t think that maybe you should start knocking?” Kei asked tensely.

Akiteru shrugged, “Doesn’t bother me. I’m glad you have a healthy sex life, just make sure you’re being safe.”

Kei put his face in his hands and groaned. Akiteru was the worst. 

* * *

The first time Shoyou did yoga in his apartment, Kei immediately texted Tadashi. 

> **Kei:** Shoyou is doing yoga.
> 
> **Tadashi:** Okay?
> 
> **Kei:** You don’t understand. He’s doing yoga. In my apartment.
> 
> **Tadashi:** Okay??
> 
> **Kei:** [IMG: Shoyou standing in spandex pants with his forehead pressed to his knees]
> 
> **Tadashi:** He’s very flexible.
> 
> **Kei:** Tadashi, I’m asking this as your best friend.
> 
> **Kei:** Please be gayer for one second.
> 
> **Tadashi:** I can’t do that but I did show Hitoka and she said, and I quote “Oh, wow.”
> 
> **Kei:** Hitoka.
> 
> **Hitoka:** Oh, wow.
> 
> **Kei:** What do I do?
> 
> **Hitoka:** You probably have sex with him.
> 
> **Kei:** Hitoka! 
> 
> **Hitoka:** He’s so bendy!
> 
> **Kei:** I think I’m going to die.
> 
> **Hitoka:** Good luck.

* * *

The first time Kei met Shoyou’s parents was actually when they were teenagers, but the first time he met them as Shoyou’s boyfriend was during the Olympics when tensions were already running high. 

Shoyou’s father had passed away when he was little, so it was only his mother and baby sister, who he still called baby sister despite her being a teenager. Natsu rolled her eyes halfheartedly at him whenever he did, but Kei could tell that they had a good relationship within moments of watching them interact. 

They met up in a hotel room, Shoyou was too noticeable to go wandering about the Olympic Village and if he wanted a minute of peace, staying indoors was the better bet. 

Shoyou knocked on a nondescript hotel room door and was quickly greeted by his mother and sister. The three of them looked extremely similar, the same wild red hair, same small height, and same kind face. 

“Mom!” Shoyou yelled and tackled his mother. Kei stood behind him awkwardly. 

He turned to his sister and groaned, “Are you taller than me!” he stood closer to her and tried to compare their heights, “Stand back-to-back with me, right now!” The two of them stood with their backs together and their mother confirmed that Natsu was, in fact, a little bit taller than him.

Kei snickered and drew the attention towards him.

“Oh!” Shoyou smiled at him, “This is my boyfriend, Tsukishima Kei.”

“Wow,” Natsu said, “He’s tall. Imagine how good you’d be at volleyball if you were that tall.”

Kei decided that he liked her. It must be a little sibling thing. 

Shoyou let out an offended shout, “I’m on the Olympic team! How much better can I be!” 

Natsu pointed at Kei, “You can be Olympic good and that tall.” 

“Kei,” he whined, “she’s picking on me.”

Kei shrugged, “She has a point.”

Natsu gave him a thumbs up but Shoyou glared at him, “No fair, you’re taller than your big brother too.”

“And better at volleyball,” he added.

“Natsu doesn’t even play volleyball!” he turned to his mother, “Mom, they’re ganging up on me!” 

She laughed and Kei immediately knew where Shoyou got it from, “This is your fault dear, you introduced them.”

Shoyou huffed, but he was elated that they got along so well.

* * *

The first time Shoyou said I love you, it slipped out accidentally. 

Shoyou was sitting on Kei’s counter watching Kei attempt to cook them dinner from the ingredients they purchased earlier when he laughed and said, “Kei, I love you and all, but I don’t understand how you’re still a terrible cook.”

And Kei paused, “What?”

“You’re terrible!” he continued, not realizing what he just said, “You’ve had to feed yourself for ages, you’d think by now you’d be good at it.” 

“What?” he said again. The wheels in his brain were spinning at full speed trying to comprehend what Shoyou let slip, “you love me?” 

Shoyou blinked at him and mentally replayed the conversation, “Oh,” he said after a second, “Of course I do. I love you.” 

Kei stared hard at the food in front of him and tried to make sure none of it burned, “Oh,” he muttered softly, “I, um.”

“Stop,” Shoyou reached out and touched his arm, “I didn’t tell you before because I didn’t want to force you to tell me that you love me too. I know that you care about me. Don’t say anything else yet.”

“Thanks,” he said to the food before looking up at his boyfriend and trying again, “Thank you.” 

He abandoned his post at the stove to pull Shoyou down into a searing kiss. He had promised that when he couldn’t say his feelings he would try and show them. 

The food burned.

* * *

The first time Shoyou went back to Brazil, Kei didn’t take it very well. 

They were three years into their relationship and while they still didn’t live together, they at least lived in the same time zone. Kei was hesitant to let him go but he saw how much Shoyou lit up when he talked about joining Asas Sao Paulo that he couldn’t ask him to stay. So he encouraged him to go back to the other side of the world. 

Kei helped him pack up his apartment, put together boxes and mail them to his old roommate in Rio to temporarily hold, and even drove him to the airport when the time came. 

At the airport Kei clutched Shoyou’s hand like a lifeline. Shoyou tried to tell him that his contract was only for a year and then they would renegotiate the terms and see if he wanted to stay. Kei knew that a year could either drag on forever or pass in the blink of an eye, but it didn’t placate him. Eventually they reached the point in the airport where Kei couldn’t go any further. 

He roughly grabbed Shoyou by the shoulders and awkwardly announced, “I’m going to kiss you in public again,” before leaning down in front of all of the travelers and their loved ones and kissing him softly. Shoyou gripped the back of Kei’s neck and held him there, forgoing teasing kisses in favor of more long and languous ones. 

“I love you,” Shoyou whispered against his lips. Kei nodded, “I’ll be back before you know it.”

And then Shoyou slipped through his fingers.

Shoyou called him as soon as he landed, and every day after, but it wasn’t the same as regularly having him in his apartment. Kei hadn’t realized how much he had grown used to having Shoyou in his space until he was gone. 

It took about three weeks for him to admit it. He quietly murmured “I miss you,” into his phone while curled up in bed and Shoyou was so surprised he dropped his phone. 

On the other end of the line Shoyou sniffed away tears and told him, “I miss you too, you big dummy. If you keep telling me that you’re going to make me go back home early so I can hug you.”

“I miss you,” he said immediately. 

Shoyou laughed and it was the best thing he had heard in weeks. 

After three months Shoyou got extremely busy and time zones got more difficult to manage. They tried to arrange phone calls but more often than not they were canceled with a quick text and an apology. For months text messages and emails were their only communication.

For Kei, it was incredibly isolating. He did his work, he went to practice, he went to games, and in his spare time he tried to talk to Shoyou. Eventually Tadashi had to drag him out but even his best friend couldn’t help but comment on his more sour than usual mood.

> **Kei:** I think, for the first time in my life, I’m sexually frustrated.
> 
> **Kei:** What did you do to me?
> 
> **Shoyou:** you’ve been frustrated for like ten years
> 
> **Shoyou:** just take care of it!!
> 
> **Kei:** Not helping.
> 
> **Shoyou:** I dont understand why you dont like masturbating
> 
> **Kei:** Not helping
> 
> **Shoyou:** hope you don’t mind I borrowed this from you
> 
> **Shoyou:** [IMG: Shoyou on the beach in Kei’s jersey]
> 
> **Kei:** Fuck you

Shoyou was surprised at how hard a time he had being away from Kei. Even though he was surrounded by people seemingly at all times, he found himself lonlier than he expected. The moment he had downtime he would pull out his phone and see if there was any news from Kei, or he would check on the Sendai Frogs, or even see if there was anything new going on at the museum Kei worked at to get a glimpse of his boyfriend’s life in Japan. 

His roommate noticed that he seemed down but Shoyou was determined to push through it. Asas Sao Paulo was having a great season and he felt honored to be part of it. Even if he wanted to be back in Japan he had to give it his all. 

But when the time came to renew his contract with Asas Sao Paulo, he didn’t. 

* * *

The first time Kei said I love you, he couldn’t hold it in any longer. 

He was picking Shoyou up from the airport after his latest stint in Brazil and he felt like a dam broke within him. As soon as he saw his boyfriend, tanner and more muscular than the last time they laid eyes on each other, they couldn’t help but wrap around each other right there in the baggage claim. 

Kei held him close to his chest and revelled in the way that Shoyou squeezed the air right out of his lungs. He buried his face into Shoyou’s hair and whispered, “I love you, I love you.”

Shoyou pushed him away and looked up at him with burning eyes, “What did you say?” 

“Nothing,” he looked away, embarrassed, but even then he could still see the delighted grin spread across his boyfriend’s face. 

“I heard you!” he shouted gleefully, drawing too much attention to them, “You said it, I heard you!” 

Kei crossed his arms, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I didn’t say anything.” 

“You love me,” Shoyou taunted in a sing-song voice before breaking out into an impossibly wider smile, “I love you too.”

Kei blushed, “You’re imagining things.” 

But later that night, in the darkness of his apartment, he pressed I love yous into every part of Shoyou’s skin he could, and wished that they wouldn’t have to be apart like that again.

* * *

The first time Shoyou met Kei’s father, Kei wasn’t there. Kei was working in Sendai while Shoyou was training in Osaka when he was approached by an unfamiliar man. 

“Are you Hinata Shoyou?” 

Shoyou smiled at him, “Yes, sir. Would you like an autograph?” He was used to people approaching him in the streets, especially in Osaka where he and his team spent most of their time. 

The man frowned at him, “Do you know who I am.”

“I’m sorry,” he tilted his head a bit, “should I?” The man scowled at him. It was an expression that so clearly belonged to Kei that Shoyou had to take a step back, “Oh. You’re Kei’s father.” But he couldn’t imagine what he wanted with him. 

“That’s right,” he said gruffly. Shoyou frowned back at him, he didn’t like seeing similarities between his boyfriend and the man who abandoned him, “are you still dating my son?” 

Shoyou crossed his arms and squared his shoulders, trying to make himself look as big and intimidating as possible. He wasn’t tall but he was bulky and he wasn’t going to stand down to someone who hurt the person he loved, “I love your son,” he said firmly. 

“Disgusting,” he practically spat. But then he looked Shoyou in the eye and stormed away.

Amazingly, the encounter was over. Shoyou never told Kei what happened.

The first time Shoyou met Kei’s mother was surprisingly not terrible. They were back in Miyagi visiting Tadashi and were walking around Kei’s old neighborhood when they ran into her. She immediately zeroed in on their clasped hands and eyed Shoyou while Kei remained frozen on the spot. 

“Hello,” Shoyou said awkwardly, waving his free hand. Kei tensed next to him. 

“Did you move back into the area?” his mother asked.

Kei realized that he was being spoken to but he still needed a moment to compose himself. He noticed Shoyou shake his head out of the corner of his eye, “No, ma’am, Kei and I are still in the city,” he said politely. He was impressed that he didn’t give her any details, like which city, but he also made it sound like they lived together. Which they mostly didn’t. He considered clearing up the misconception but decided it wasn’t worth it. 

He cleared his throat, “Do you live around here?”

“Oh!” she seemed surprised to hear Kei speak, “Yes. A few blocks away from our old house. I have a new boyfriend and it’s his house.”

She sounded happy but Kei felt nothing, “That’s nice.”

“How are you? And Akiteru?” 

Kei finally looked at her, really looked at her. She was older than he remembered. There were small wrinkles around her eyes and a few gray hairs barely visible in her blonde hair. But he still felt empty while looking at her, “Fine,” he said stiffly.

Shoyou looked back and forth between them discreetly, “We really need to be going. It was nice meeting you,” he bowed quickly and pulled Kei away before she could protest or ask anything else. 

It wasn’t until they were three blocks away could Kei mutter out “Thanks.”

* * *

The first time Kei and Shoyou decided it was time to live together, it was a bit of a disaster. 

They decided that it was time for Shoyou to give up his apartment since he didn’t spend a lot of time there anyway, and when he had to be in Osaka for an extended period of time he could get a hotel or stay with Bokuto, who was thrilled with the arrangement. When he was on the road he stayed in hotels with the team, otherwise he stayed at Kei’s apartment.

Shoyou found himself on the train a lot. They were so ready to live with each other they didn’t fully think out the details. But, Shoyou joked once, since he wasn’t paying rent on his old apartment he could afford a lot of train tickets. 

They did see each other more than did before because Kei’s apartment was officially his home base and he never needed to go get more clothes or other necessities, but Shoyou was often tired from travelling. Kei didn’t mind that Shoyou was tired, it was proof of how much he wanted to be home with him, but he felt bad that his boyfriend was putting himself through all of that just so they could spend a little bit more time together. 

It wasn’t until Kei retired from professional volleyball and Shoyou changed teams to one closer to Sendai did living together really work out.

* * *

The first time Kei held his niece, he didn’t know how to feel.

He had so many conflicting emotions. Awe that his brother managed to create something like this, worry that this small child would have to go through any amount of hardship in her life, and-- worst of all-- jealousy. As much as he hated to admit it, Akiteru was as much his parents as he was hers, but that wasn’t true, Aki was her real parent.

It was odd. He was never jealous of Saeko, he never held any animosity towards her-- not that he held any ill will towards the newborn in his arms. But deep down he knew that if his brother was with his wife and he needed help, Aki would drop everything to help him. Kei wouldn’t come before his daughter. 

“You have a sour expression on your face,” Saeko said, leaning against the doorframe, looking more tired than he had ever seen her. Kei held out the baby but she waved him away, “Nah, you can keep holding her, she’ll let you know when she needs me. She looks happy with you. Now what’s got you down.”

Kei looked down at the baby in his arms and frowned, “She doesn’t really look like either of you,” he said instead of opening up.

Saeko laughed, but it wasn’t her usual obnoxious laugh, it was more subdued as to not startle her daughter, “I promise you, kid, she came out of my vagina.” He couldn’t help the disgusted face he made which just made Saeko laugh more, “I promise she’s been cleaned. What’s really wrong?” 

He let out a long breath, “This is really Akiteru’s daughter, huh?” he said quietly. 

“So that’s what this is about,” she said wisely, “Did you know that I knew Acchan would be a good parent because he already has a kid?”

“What?” His head shot up to look at Saeko. If Akiteru had any other children he didn’t know about them. Why wouldn’t Aki tell him?

She smirked at him, “You.”

He looked back down at the baby to hide his embarrassment, “Oh.” That made sense. If he technically thought of Akiteru as his parent, then Aki could think of him as his child. Something uncomfortable burned in his chest, something he usually only felt around Shoyou. He wished it would stop. “Oh,” he choked out again. 

Saeko crossed the room and put a hand on his shoulder, “You should tell Acchan that you love him,” Kei made a face again, “but even if you don’t, he’s not going to leave you just because we have her and you have Shoyou.”

“Yeah.” It was all he could get out. 

The baby started to get fussy and Saeko took her out of his arms, “Speaking of Shoyou,” she teased, “Are you two going to have children?”

Kei blinked up at her, completely thrown by the sudden shift in topic, “What?”

A week later when Shoyou got home, the two of them curled up in bed and Kei carefully broached the topic, “I met my niece.” 

Shoyou tried to sit up but Kei pulled him back down, “Aww, I missed it. Did you take pictures? Who does she look like?” 

Kei scoffed, “She doesn’t look like anyone, she looks like a potato.”

“That’s mean, you’re related to her, y’know,” Shoyou tried to scold but Kei could feel him silently laughing. 

“Do you want children?” Kei blurted out before Shoyou stopped laughing, “Because I-- I wouldn’t know what to do with one. I’d probably fuck it up.”

Shoyou rolled over in Kei’s hold so he could face him even though Kei was purposefully not looking at him, “I’ve never thought about it,” he admitted, “I don’t think you’d mess up a kid, I think you’d do a lot of research and be extra-extra careful about everything. But because I travel so much I don’t think I’d be a good parent.”

Kei closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to his boyfriend’s, “What about after you retire?”

“We can talk about it then,” Shoyou shrugged, “but it won’t be for a while.”

* * *

The first year Kei played on a Division 1 team was also the first time he considered quitting professional volleyball. 

There were a lot of factors at play. 

One was that D1 volleyball required a lot more time and effort. It wasn’t that he was opposed to putting in the effort, he wasn’t the same person he was when he was fifteen, it was that he didn’t know where he was supposed to find the time. The Sendai Frog’s promotion to D1 caused a rift between those who had other jobs and those who didn’t. Those who only played volleyball could dedicate more time to trying to keep up with the better players.

Those like Kei who had other jobs that took up a significant part of their day weren’t as lucky. A few of his teammates were discussing quitting their jobs, some were talking about finding other D2 teams so they could keep the same schedule. Kei loved his job at the museum and didn’t want to quit, but he also didn’t want to leave the team. 

In the end he spoke to his supervisor and reduced his hours, but he hated it. He worked hard to get that job and it brought him just as much fulfillment as volleyball did. But he was going to try D1 volleyball and see what he could do. 

He was luckier than some teammate who also had to try and worry about fitting a significant other in the mix. At least Kei could meet Shoyou on the court. 

But that was a problem in itself. People knew who he was and they knew about his relationship with Shoyou. And they weren’t above being crude about it. When they played in different divisions they rarely crossed paths but now people wanted him to send messages to Shoyou or sabotage his playing. Shoyou never said anything about being heckled, so Kei figured it was only happening to him. 

It took six months before Kei and Shoyou’s teams were slated to play each other and it took six months for Kei to tell him that he wanted to quit. 

Shoyou couldn’t quite understand what he was hearing. To him, Kei had finally made it another step. It was something to be proud of, it wasn’t time to quit. 

“Do people ever,” Kei’s voice trailed off and he can’t manage to maintain eye contact, “talk to you about me?” 

He tilted his head, “What do you mean? I talk to people about you! Like, do you see that middle blocker he--”

“No,” Kei cut him off and tilted his head back to stare at the ceiling, “I’ve been told. Asked? More than once, to fuck you before a match so you’re not on your game.”

Shoyou was quiet for a moment before letting out a small, “Oh.” He took a few careful steps towards Kei and took his hands, “No, no one has ever said that to me. What do you say back?”

He shook his head, “Nothing. I don’t say anything.”

“You should tell them that even if you do I’ll still jump higher than them.”

Kei snorted and finally looked down at Shoyou, “That’s true,” he pushed his glasses up his forehead to rub his eyes, not bothering to let go of Shoyou’s hands while he did so, “But also I miss the museum. I’m tired. I think this will be my only year in D1.”

“Okay,” Shoyou nodded, “Then don’t hold back during our game tomorrow.”

He scoffed, “I have to show the rest of the league how to shut you down effectively.” Shoyou bumping him affectionately, “Don’t worry though, I’ll probably get bored in a few months and join a neighborhood team or something.”

“They’d be lucky to have you.”

“Now you’re just saying nice things about yourself.”

Kei’s team lost but he did manage to shut down Shoyou’s spike more than once, to his great pleasure.

At the end of the season Kei officially retired for professional volleyball. That night, he lay next to his boyfriend and asked “What are you going to do after you retire?”

Shoyou gave him his brightest smile, “Bother you, I guess.”

Kei smiled back, “Sounds good.”


End file.
